I posted this on Substack a few months back. I am still conflicted about where to share my random thoughts. Here or on a platform like Substack. They say you shouldn’t post on two places. It’s all too complicated, this writing on the internet thing.
Do you ever get the feeling that you are doing too much? One of the disadvantages of owning one’s time and working on projects, as opposed to working on a career is that I get moments where I feel like I am doing too much. Pursuing multiple things, at the same time, means that I need to be very structured with how I approach my work day. Towards the end of last year, it suddenly felt like I had too much on my plate, professionally and personally. I always have a list of things that I want to try out, usually one after the other. Whenever I get a gap, I add an activity, initiative or project and, before I know it, I am doing the all, most haphazardly.
Years ago, my life coach made me list all the projects I was doing or wanted to do and I had to discard the ones that I was never get round to as a way of clearing mental and physical space to devote energy to the ones I felt I had to do. Eventually I reduced the list to about three work projects. I have no issue with saying no to things that don’t appeal to me, whether it is work or an event or the like. But, I am slowly realising that saying ‘no’ to myself is hard for me to do. So I sign up for online courses, add books to the long list of to-reads, start up hobbies and initiate personal projects at will. And then end up in that ‘doing too much’ space with activities like this newsletter and my own writing suffer.
Looking at my to-do list, there’s a poetry collection, a book of extended essays, a short story or three, a cigar certification course, the launch of my Zebra Culture merch and a bunch of other things that have been on the list for at least six months. There’s my client work which is what pays the bills and my podcast is now taking on a life of its own. What to cull and what to keep is the biggest dilemma.
Sometimes I wish that I had the kind of work that involved focusing on one thing. Sometimes I wish I had the comfort of a job. Working for oneself, while it can look appealing from the outside, can take its tool, mentally, physically, emotionally. I was raised and trained by an entrepreneur so, to a certain extent, I am built for this life. But, sometimes, it would be nice to wake up at the end of the month with that text showing that money has been deposited in your account.
Excuse my mini-rant. Tomorrow, I wake up and go again, grateful for the life I have been able to build. The good and the not-so good. There are lessons in each moment.
“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” ? Bill Gates